The Case of the Midlife Crisis (Or So They Call It)

The Case of the Midlife Crisis

I have been listening for years to people speaking of this midlife crisis.  Usually in regards to a middle aged man getting a new sporty car.  I have an opinion about this and I feel like sharing it.

So here goes…

Why is it a mid life crisis when life goes as follows for most men (and women)?

Teens – You aren’t getting that fancy car unless you are the child of someone really rich (can a kid really handle all that power?)

Twenties – You have a boatload of debt and you just started your career. By the end of your 20s you may be looking to marry, buy your first home, or start your family. Can’t afford that sporty car and with a kid on the way, it’s not even practical at this point.

Thirties – Yeah you are making a bit more money but remember those kids?  Carseats, booster seats, and kid legs and kid messes aren’t a match for that sporty ride now.  Guess you just have to wait a bit more.

Forties – OMG you are getting closer.  College debt is down, you’re in your prime earning years, you’ve been saving for your kids’ college and now they don’t have to go everywhere you go.  The main family car is probably close to paid off and you may even have real date nights again with your oldest as the sitter.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Your going on 50 and you want what?  You want a sports car? What’s wrong with you? It’s so impractical! So Immature! 

So…. 

Right on Time!!!!   When ELSE are YOU going to get have this danged car?  In your grave?  I mean come on.  

When is it better to drive a car with so much power?  No better time than when you have the maturity to handle the power and the discipline to be in control.

My husband and I are behind the 8 ball on the timeline (He’s 48 and we have a toddler).  But I am looking forward to my husband’s ‘so called mid-life crisis’.  I’ll be riding right beside him. 

21 Days to a Healthier Me (and Family)

I posted on Sunday that I was coming off of white starches and dairy this week.  A childhood friend asked what else I planned to do.  Well, I realized there wasn’t a short answer (when EVER do I have a short answer?) so I figured I wouldn’t try to make one, and just be thorough.

So this 21 Days to a Healthier Me is a part of my renewed commitment to a lifestyle of wellness and service.  As a Reiki practitioner I want to make sure I am fit to serve and fit enough to serve.  I began to think about what I put into my body and whether that was what I should be putting into my body and my family’s bodies.  I didn’t have an ‘unhealthy’ lifestyle, but I had a few strongholds.  Darned Sour Patch Kids, Skittles, Santitas Chips, Pepsi (after years of no colored sodas I went back and being from upstate new York and Pittsburgh, well Pepsi was the preference).  

I am not a glutton for punishment. I don’t believe you have to suffer to good health, because then you just wind up mad, frustrated, and counting days until you are free to resume your normal habits.  I am doing a phased in approach for the first 21 days.  I’ll continue on this for the rest of September and see how I feel. 

So Week 1: Cut out all caffeine and processed sugars (where reasonable). 

So I haven’t had any candy, Pepsi, coffee or even caffeinated tea since I started this on Sunday, August 22^nd.  The first day (Sunday) I had a splitting headache that rocked me all day.  Finally at about 6:30 I took about 400mg of ibuprofen and that helped.  It was much better the next day and by the third day it was barely noticeable.  

I was already away from high fructose corn syrup and trying to move from corn syrup as well.

Note: I had a teaspoon of regular sugar in my tea on 1 of the first 2 days. I still couldn’t get that detox tea down and so just left it alone.  I also discovered after having them that a snack I thought was pretty good had sugar listed on the package pretty far down.  Grrrr. They put sugar in everything.  

Week 2: Cut out dairy (milk, cheese, butter), white starches, and red meat.

Substitutes: Almond Milk, Coconut Milk, vegan or veggie cheeses and butters. I picked a Smart Balance-Light spread and Earth Balance Natural Buttery sticks.  I will admit the cheeses haven’t gone over well with anyone except for my unassuming and uncorrupted toddler.  I don’t even need to sub out red meat. I went without for almost 15 years and only started back when I was pregnant in 2011.

What about calcium?  Well Almond milk has 45% of the daily recommended calcium, compared to about 30% in regular whole milk.  

What about protein?  It is recommended that we have 36 grams of protein per pound that we weigh.  For a person of 150 lbs that’s 54 grams.  There are so many vegetables and whole foods that give as much or more protein that dairy.  Quinoa is my favorite. It is the perfect protein and can be made to eat hot or cold.  Oatmeal for example has 6 grams per ½ cup uncooked serving.  The veggie pasta I purchased has 14 grams in a 3.5 ounce serving.   And beans are another excellent source with sometimes double digit protein levels.  Other foods like kale, cauliflower, broccoli, and spinach hold their own as well with between 2 and 4. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich on whole wheat bread can add another 15.  With balanced planning protein is no problem.  Plus protein coming from vegetables and plants are easier for our bodies to digest.

Note: I planned to start this on Sunday, August 29^th but we went to the Braves game and surprisingly there was little that wasn’t either fried, white starch based, or cheese covered. So…I had cheese pizza and gave myself the “Special Event Pass”.

Week 3: Cut out meat (yes – no poultry, no eggs*, no fish, not even sushi)

This may be the hardest week, which is why I am saving it for last. I am hoping that seeing the changes in how I feel and how my clothes fit will keep me motivated.  I have already found some tasty looking substitutes from tofu.  I am not going to skip a meal that has an egg as part of the overall ingredient (such as a baked pasta), but I am not going to prepare an egg for breakfast.

So what am I eating? The coffee and sugar was pretty easy.  I began making some small changes last week in anticipation but when I removed the white starches and dairy I was looking in my pantry and fridge and was literally hungry.  So… we went to Chipotle for dinner and then to the grocery store where I scoured the “healthy and organic” selections.   My daughter begged me for a treat and so I bought sherbet.  Tonight I let her have some and before putting it back in the freezer scanned the ingredients and High Fructose Corn Syrup was one. Eyes rolled and my daughter ran and said she already licked it so I couldn’t take it.

I bought things like broccoli, kale, spinach, butternut squash, tomatoes, cauliflower, whole grain bread, peanut butter, sweet potato chips (the treat), trail mix, chick’n strips (not real chicken), the non-dairy butter, blue-berries, veggie pasta, veggie cheese, fruit leather for the kids, Kashi bars, almond and coconut milks, canned tuna, and organic turkey lunch meat.

I have a tasty kale recipe on my blog as well as one for a cold quinoa salad.  I made a different quinoa salad this weekend for my daytime lunch which was also tasty and that I’ll post later.  I just tried a modified macaroni and cheese but it didn’t fly with the kids.  Hubby’s away on business so I get to taste test on them.  My toddler just sat there and I asked him if he wanted it and he matter of factly shook his head and said “no”.   I probably will just skip the mac and cheese because there is pretty much no easy way to make it taste good without real cheese, milk, and eggs.

My dietary goal is to try to eat more whole, less processed, and consume fewer products that come down the corn line.  So I am decreasing and removing foods that contain corn, are fed corn, or fed corn by product.  That means that any meat I eat this week will be grass-fed or grain fed.  The Vegetarian fed says to me it probably is being fed corn.  Given what they are doing to the corn and soy and the subsidies they receive, I am not sure it is an industry I want to support.  But that’s another story.

When this month is out, my whole family should be healthier.  We’ll slowly add back in some things and see how we feel after a few days of having it.  If we don’t really miss it, we’ll leave it. When it’s time for a treat, we’ll have it.  

As far as exercise, my goal is to exercise vigorously for a minimum of 30 minutes at least 5 days per week.   Sometimes I walk outside if the weather is nice; otherwise I head to the YMCA’s indoor track and get into my groove.

When I was at Kaiser Permanente doing community health work, they kicked off an Everybody Walk initiative.  Just take that first step.  Even if it is just to the mailbox and back, then to a neighbors and back.  Then around your block.  You get the point. Just start walking.  I can’t run due to the beating I put on my legs doing track and field, but I can walk.  

Just this weekend, I finally watched a documentary I had wanted to watch for months called Forks Over Knives.  It is available on Netflix o see their website and if you get a chance and dare to challenge some long time thinking, check it out.

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A Journey

Years ago I experienced something that could not be explained by any physical or natural terms. It was supernatural, beyond what we could grasp in our three dimensional existence, but certainly very real. 

That and those experiences since have shaped my perspective and view of our world and of people.  It has shaped how I make decisions and how I consider those decisions’ impact on those around me and on earth.

I realize fully that I am a spiritual being having a human experience.  I fully embrace it; both my humanity and my spirituality.  I love this earth and the beauty it holds in the people, nature, cultures.  I love my experience with spirit and the wonders it holds – wonders some might not understand but that make the world a more beautiful place when seen with eyes wide open.

I am on a journey.  I am not sure where I end up exactly.  I can only take it step by step, day by day.  I know it is the right path and that the journey is part of the experience.  I know that I will stumble, fall, go the wrong way at times, and have to find my way back.  That happens.  It’s why we have GPS – God’s Prophetic Servants :-).

I am excited about this journey and sometimes afraid.  When you know you are meant for something greater than you are currently experiencing, you can expect some growing pains.  And who really ‘wants’ growing pains?  After all I am having a HUMAN experience.  And pain hurts.  But when we get through it, to the other side, we can look back, and can say, “Yeah, it hurt, but it wasn’t that bad”.  And if you learn the lessons you don’t have to repeat it and you can say it was worth it. 

I want to look back and be able to say I did what I came here to do; I did my job the best that I could, and it was worth it.

Love - Keeping it Simple

Love

Why do we complicate things so? Is it for ego? Pride? To divide? To build up? Some things need not be complicated but are beautiful and perfect in their most simple form.  Love, a beautiful word, with infinite potential but simple enough a concept that even a baby in the womb begins to love the mother he or she is attached to.

Without filters of everything we have been taught; without creeds and religion – how could you allow love to simplify your life?  Where would you take this new love? What would you do with it? Who would you invite in to experience this love with you?  Who would they invite in?

With a simple and pure love guiding you, waking you gently from the sleep and numbness we have so grown accustomed to, what could you do? How could your soul be awakened when colored  by the simplest love? Like the love a butterfly knows for a bush, or the bird knows for the trees, or the grass knows for the earth? 

Realizing we are all connected, all needing each other all a part of vast universe, living together on the earth – seeking more than to just survive – but to feel alive.  Get out of that comfortable spot of your life and feel the discomfort of growing stronger, building something greater – yourself- through a hard work, spiritual sweat, seen and unseen tears.

Love yourself like you have never loved yourself.  Live like this is the only chance you get.  Love those around you like they were the living Jesus, and perhaps then we would see a world we would want our children to inherit.

When we choose to love simply – without prejudice or cause – we can love everyone, even without liking all the things a person might be.  We learn to allow and accept difference.  What would or world be if all the flowers were the same? Love who you are, without withholding love from another because they are not who or what you are or what you feel they should be.

Love like your cat, your dog, or your children love you – in spite of you.  And you will find the secret to joy and happiness while on this earth.

“Love in its purest form is simple, however, I do not proclaim it to be easy. There is a difference.”

In Love and Light,

Bernette

Sweet and Savory Kale Recipe - Back of Bag Recipe that Rocked!

We loved this kale dish I made on Saturday.  Delicious and can be made in 20 to 30 minutes. 
(This recipe in original form was from the bag of Nature's Greens Kale I used)

Prep Time: Approximately 5 minutes
Cook Time: Approximately 20

Ingredients:
2 tablespoons olive oil (I used extra virgin olive oil)
1/2 medium onion-chopped (I used a white onion)
3 cloves garlic-minced (I used dehydrated garlic by
2 Tablespoons Dijon mustard (I used honey dijon dressing)
1 Tablespoon sugar
1 Tablespoon cider vinegar
1 1/4 cups chicken stock (I used chicken broth)
1 lb of clean chopped Kale (mine was a bag of Nature's Greens Kale)
1/3 cup sliced cranberries (I used light sweetened dried cranberries from the bag - but didn't have a full 1/3 cup so used what I had)
Salt and Pepper to taste

In a large stock pot, heat olive oil on medium high heat.  Add onion and garlic; saute until onion softens, sirring often, about 5 minutes.  Stire in ustard, sugar, cider vinegar and chicken stock. Bring to a boil on high heat.  Add kale, cover, and cook 5 minutes stirring often.

Add cranberries and continue cooking on medium high heat, stirring often.  The liquid should reduce by about half and cranberries will get plump in about 10 minutes.  Season with salt and pepper.  Sprinkle with almonds, if desired.

Serves 4 to 6 (unless you are like me and got heaping spoonfuls)

So You Work from Home...

Remember what you thought of working from home before you started? Whether you transitioned from your office job to doing that work from home, or started consulting, or a new business venture, you probably had ideas I had like walking around in your PJs, getting housework and errands  done between work, and of course being there for your kids.

When I started working from home my daughter was 5 and went to school - perfect situation for working from home part-time.  Unbeatable in my book.

I soon realized that my plans of working from home part-time and balancing my baby weren't going to happen like I thought.  Never were those days working happily with the baby on my lap and me on my computer - both of us smiling joyfully.

I realized as my maternity leave was ending that I would have to get someone to come and help while I got work done like conference calls and meetings.  (My son has never been calm and quiet, the sit down type, or even the watch something on TV type).

It's been interesting working from home with a little one for over a year now.  I have definitely blown away a bunch of my own ideas of working from home - especially those images of a sweet baby sitting on your knee as you happily pound out work on your laptop.  Both of you blissfully unaware that at any moment those happy little baby fingers would hit the enter button while you are chatting with a client or the power button, proud of their dexterity, and end your work session. (It's one reason my image is what it is)

So how do you remain efficient, effective, and productive while working from home with a baby, toddler, or young child?  I would love other work from  home moms to comment on how they balance working from home.  If you haven't already, please take my survey (see sidebar).