Be Fully Present

Several years ago I worked in a consultant like fashion in a health policy center.  While it wasn't my primary role, I went through training form some community program coaching work and although there was much said there that simply got filed, one thing my former Director said has stuck with me to this day.

It applies to so much more than working with clients or other professional dealings.  I think of it as a lesson for life.

She said to be fully present.

Now I am sure she said much more that I couldn't recite, but the message was that when you are with someone, be with them.  When you are doing something, do that thing.

In today's world of always being connected, I believe we suffer from not truly being connected.  We are hyper-connected at the risk of being hypo-connected.  That's a whole blog post.  My point here is that I am going to try better to be fully present more often with the people I am with, when I am with them.

Sometimes it is hard to pull ourselves away from the easy, addictive draw of our overly smart phones that ring, ding, buzz, and talk to us constantly about every thing from a cat video to the latest catastrophe.  Even our daily chores sometimes get ahead of our families and loved ones (even more reason for some extra help around the house!  Work with me, I'm trying to build a case...)

I know I find myself having to mentally remind myself to turn it off, stop working, and give solid meaningful time to the kids and husband.  I am a full-time stay at home mom and a part-time work from home mom.  So when I am finding moments to work, it is probably harder since I don't physically  leave an office, have a transitional commute, and my schedule is usually determined by everyone else's.  I try to sneak in minutes before wakeup, after every one is asleep, and during naps and am now trying harder to make myself stop at 4pm or sooner if the little man wakes earlier just so I can be fully present.  (Now I may stay up to 1 am or later some nights to make up for it...).

Unfortunately, the phone does ring at times and you have to take it.  Kids are smart though.  They know if you are initiating those calls and e-communications and whether you are trying to get back to them or not.  And they are learning how to interact with other people - friends, family, and even us - their parents, from us.

I don't take being fully present to mean that every minute of every day when the kids are awake must be dedicated to them.  They are individuals, no longer physically connected to me and they have to eventually learn how to entertain themselves.  BUT when I am with them, I am making it my goal to be with them.  The phone will be left on the counter and the computer closed.  I hope that by doing this, it'll be easier for them when mommy does have to work and can't give them my undivided attention.  They'll know that when it is their time, it is really their time.

Crossing my fingers I can take this message to heart and really apply it throughout my life.

How do you manage all of your roles to be there for your friends and family?

P.S. If you wonder why I am not much of a phone person, well it's because I usually don't have time to talk until after 9:30 or 10 most nights and by then it seems rude to call. 

Picture of Peaches Geldof from Huffington Post 9/13/2012