Leaving your child home should be a well thought out decision and
involve preparation and conversation with your child. States have
varying guidelines or requirements for age and readiness and even
resources to help you make the decision and be prepared for your child
being home alone. You can see my
post on Georgia here.
I have an 11
year old and rising 6th grader who may get home from school before I do
some days and is already not wanting to trudge along on every walk
around the block with her toddler brother. So I am providing some
information that might be helpful for parents of other 'big kids' who
are approaching those transition years.
Can
your Tweener Stay Home Alone? What About Babysit Younger Siblings? Are You Ready?
by Bernette Sherman (Mom Adored)
With a newly minted 11 year old at
home, and a toddler this question certainly crossed my mind, as I am sure it
has with other parents of preteens or tweeners as they like to call
themselves. To answer this question, I
started doing some digging (I am a former researcher in child health and health
policy and current part-time consultant).
I came across several resources that
put my mind at ease while giving me some guidance to help build independence
into my preteen.
I thought there was a hard and fast
rule about having to be 12 to stay home alone.
This might be because I also thought that was the age you could
babysit. I was wrong about both!
Read on to get some fast guidance
and additional resources so you can go deeper and prepare yourself and your
child for being home alone or babysitting as a preteen, for every state.
Six key ingredients to a successful
transition to this new level of trust and responsibility are:
1. Maturity
2. Environment
3. House Rules
4. Readiness of Your Child
5. Readiness of Your Home
6. Practice
Maturity Check
The majority of states don’t have
any hard and fast rules on when you can leave
your child home alone – making it the responsibilty
of the parent to determine whether their child is ready. While most parents know not to leave a 5 or
6 year old home alone, what about your tweener who has hit the magical
double-digits?
Most experts agree that children
aged 10 and 11 can be left home for short periods of time, say an hour or
less. However, before dashing to run to
the grocery store without a million “can I haves”, ask yourself:
- Can your preteen can handle it, are
they mature enough?
- Will they be afraid to be home by
themselves?
- Will they be responsible, and follow
your instructions for how to behave and what to do and not do?
- Will your child be sure to take
safety precautions such as locking the doors and staying inside?
- Do they know that if someone knocks
they actually SHOULD answer (don’t open the door) but they SHOULD answer the
door so potential thieves know someone is home.
More on this in another posting.
- Does your child have a demonstrated
history of being responsible? (For me,
it’s things like her doing her homework or cleaning her room while I am in the
office working – doesn’t always happen but she isn’t doing things she isn’t supposed
to do…).
- Is your preteen child interested and
comfortable with the idea of staying home alone?
Environment
Not every home or neighborhood
environment is the same or provides the same level of safety when it comes to
allowing your child to stay home alone. Before
you make the choice to leave your preteen home consider the factors of your
living environment. While we live in an
urban area, my neighbors either work from home as I do or are home during the
day. And since our lots are small she
could be at their front or back doors in 10 seconds – and they to our house.
What is your situation? As a mom these are items I’ve come up with
some input from the resources referenced in this blog article.
Ask yourself:
- Are there
neighbors you or your child can easily call upon?
- What is
the crime like in your neighborhood?
- What is
the foot traffic or car traffic like?
Are there plenty of eyes and ears around?
- Do you
have a functioning alarm system? Does your child know how to use it?
- Do you
have a home phone? If not, does your child have access to a mobile phone that
is charged and programmed with your number and other emergency numbers?
- Do you
have an alarm system? Does your tween know how to operate it?
House
Rules
If you can answer positively to most
of the questions above, your tween might be ready to stay home alone or at
least have a trial. But before doing
this have some basic house rules and guidance for situations that can likely
occur.
To backtrack a bit, there was an
incident in the Atlanta area (I live in the Atlanta area) where teenager and
younger sibling were home during the day.
Someone knocked on the door or rang the doorbell. The children did not answer the door. The home was broken into by the guys who had
knocked- checking to see if anyone was home.
Police officers interviewed after the incident suggested that if
children or teens are home alone they should answer so that the person on the
other side knows someone is home.
Most
thieves don’t want confrontation and will leave. The police officers also said to say
something like my mom or dad is busy, can’t come to the door, is in the bathroom,
cooking, whatever – just so they get the idea that a grown up is there.
So with that in mind consider how
you can prepare your preteen or tween child for these situations:
- What to do
if the doorbell rings or someone knocks on the door?
- What to do if a friend stops by or friends want to come over –
- Who can
come over and how many friends are allowed, if any
- What foods
or snacks can they eat?
- How much
television, computer type, tablet time, or other screen time are they allowed?
- What types
of programming or games can they watch or play?
Getting
Your Preteen Ready for Babysitting
While there are some children who
are mature enough to start babysitting at 12 or 13, others might benefit from
more time and waiting until they are fully teenagers. Before letting your tween babysit, even
younger siblings, they should be as qualified as a babysitter you would hire
and pay normally.
Your child should be:
- Mature and
Responsible
- A good
decision-maker
- Able to
follow the rules
- Able to
handle authority without abusing their authority
- Able to
handle emergencies or problems calmly
Your tween or preteen can learn some
of these through babysitting classes.
Check with your local YMCA or American Red Cross as they often offer
training.
Getting
Your Home Ready for Your Tween
Here are a few things to make your
home ready for tween home-alone time.
- A written or typed and printed emergency
phone list with your number, neighbors, local police department, local fire
department, 911, poison control family, friends, and your pediatrician
- A working and charged cell phone –pre
programmed with family, friends, and emergency numbers
Remember, your child might not even
remember what to call something in order to find it in a phone, especially if
they are scared or panicking. A written
list doesn’t make them have to figure it out.
Other suggestions include:
- Discuss
what to do in case of an emergency, such as a fire, power outage, or severe
weather.
- Keep a
first-aid kit stocked with bandages, wound disinfectant, and other supplies,
and teach your tween how to use it.
- Check to
see that all smoke detectors and phones in your house are working.
- Leave
flashlights and fire extinguishers in easy-to-find places. Teach your tween
when and how to use the fire extinguisher.
- Stock the
fridge with enough healthy foods and snacks to hold your tween until you get
back. No-heat foods are easier to prepare. If some cooking is needed, show your
child how to use the microwave, stove, and other necessary appliances.
- Make sure
you've set up parental filters on your TV and computer.
- Hide
anything you don't want to end up in your tween's hands. That includes
prescription medications, alcohol, guns, tobacco, and lighters.
A
Trial Run
Before you let your tween stay home
alone or babysit, act out or role play various scenarios that might happen.
Here are a few situations:
- "A
stranger is ringing the doorbell. What do you do?"
- "The
power goes off. What do you do?"
- "The
fire alarm is going off. What do you do?"
- "Your
brother is throwing a temper tantrum. What do you do?" (One I will surely use since I’ll have a 12
year old and a 2 year old.)
Keep your first outing short – less than
an hour and then discuss how things went with your tween. Ask open ended questions
and some specific ones.
- What did they do
while you were out?
- Was there anything
that surprised them about being home alone for the first time?
- Did they feel they needed something that wasn’t
there?
- Were there any problems?
- What did they like about it?
If the first trial run went well,
gradually increase it, checking in with your tween child afterwards so you know
they are really okay.
And whenever you are out, keep your
phone charged and on so your child can call or text you to check in. Make sure you can do the same. Call them regularly so they know you are thinking
of them and to make sure things are going smoothly
In addition to these links, you may contact your state's department or
division that handles human resources, family services, children and family services,
child welfare, or similar organization. How states are organized vary.
For help finding your state's agency call Childhelp
® at
800-422-4453.
Resources:
WebMD http://www.webmd.com/parenting/home-alone-or-watching-younger-siblings
KidsHealth (similar article to WebMD's above)
http://kidshealth.org/parent/firstaid_safe/home/home_alone.html#
US Department of Health and Human Services - Administration for Childrenand Families - Child Welfare Information Gateway -
https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/homealone.cfm
State Information:
IMom.com
http://www.imom.com/parenting/tikes/parenting/safety/home-alone-rules-by-state/
Georgia - See my blog post
